Matt: And this is university? Getting bollocksed before ten and...watching the Lion King.
Kiwithoughts: 'Yeah, what else are we supposed to do, our WORK?' Shivers.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tom Cruise
[Token Northern Boy (Tin) and Kiwi discuss strange things with Kiwi using a remarkably odd voice.]
Kiwi: Tom Cruise? TOM CRUISE?! Cats and boats do not get along. Therefore Tom and Cruise do not correlate, and Tom Cruise does not exist.
[Everyone laughs.]
Sarah: That is the best reasoning for Tom Cruise's disexistence ever. That HAS to go on the blog!
[Part of the enlarged Sixth-Floor Amoeba is watching that movie about an imprisoned innocent banker. In the scene, the prisoners are eating food from trays.]
Kiwi: Hey. It looks like Windsor food.
Lora: Yeah, but it looks a bit better.
Kiwi: Yeah. The beans look like beans.
Sarah: Come Christmastime, I'm going to have tinsel in my room. Only a few weeks before, when we're actually here.
Kiwi: Come that time, I'm going to be working my bum off.
Sarah: My room will have tinsel!
Kiwi: Well, I'll have to work my bum off in your room. Only then I won't have a posterior, only an anterior. How sad. I wonder how much weight I would lose without a bum.
Sarah: [Looks at Kiwi strangely.]
Kiwi: [Continues rambling.] A new weight-loss technique. Surgically remove your rear! See how much weight you lose!
Alisha and Matt: [Look over, confused, asking what's going on.]
Kiwi: [Breaks out in a fit of laughter.]
[Continues.]
[Can't breath but still continues.]
[Falls over hugging laptop, but continues laughing.]
Matt: [Says something.]
Kiwi: Iiii -- Haaaate -- Youuu! [All high-pitched and long, for she cannot breath in properly and her throat is all tight. Sounds like a deflating balloon.]
Kiwithoughts: I should have been a character in Mary Poppins...
Kiwi: Tom Cruise? TOM CRUISE?! Cats and boats do not get along. Therefore Tom and Cruise do not correlate, and Tom Cruise does not exist.
[Everyone laughs.]
Sarah: That is the best reasoning for Tom Cruise's disexistence ever. That HAS to go on the blog!
[Part of the enlarged Sixth-Floor Amoeba is watching that movie about an imprisoned innocent banker. In the scene, the prisoners are eating food from trays.]
Kiwi: Hey. It looks like Windsor food.
Lora: Yeah, but it looks a bit better.
Kiwi: Yeah. The beans look like beans.
Sarah: Come Christmastime, I'm going to have tinsel in my room. Only a few weeks before, when we're actually here.
Kiwi: Come that time, I'm going to be working my bum off.
Sarah: My room will have tinsel!
Kiwi: Well, I'll have to work my bum off in your room. Only then I won't have a posterior, only an anterior. How sad. I wonder how much weight I would lose without a bum.
Sarah: [Looks at Kiwi strangely.]
Kiwi: [Continues rambling.] A new weight-loss technique. Surgically remove your rear! See how much weight you lose!
Alisha and Matt: [Look over, confused, asking what's going on.]
Kiwi: [Breaks out in a fit of laughter.]
[Continues.]
[Can't breath but still continues.]
[Falls over hugging laptop, but continues laughing.]
Matt: [Says something.]
Kiwi: Iiii -- Haaaate -- Youuu! [All high-pitched and long, for she cannot breath in properly and her throat is all tight. Sounds like a deflating balloon.]
Kiwithoughts: I should have been a character in Mary Poppins...
Amoeba
[Alish and Kiwi chat.]
[Sarah shows up, and there is much rejoicing. They all walk towards lunch.]
[Matt appears out of the carpark.]
Kiwi: The sixth floor amoeba is growing!
[At lunch Harry, Juliette, and Rich appear.]
Sarah: More amoeba growth!
We are an amoeba!
Kiwi: It's a fucking pirate!
[Passerbys look at her all funny-like.]
Steve: Avest ye!
Kiwi: WIN!
[Kiwi talks.]
[Sarah listens.]
Sarah: This is the most bizarre conversation I have ever had.
[Sarah shows up, and there is much rejoicing. They all walk towards lunch.]
[Matt appears out of the carpark.]
Kiwi: The sixth floor amoeba is growing!
[At lunch Harry, Juliette, and Rich appear.]
Sarah: More amoeba growth!
We are an amoeba!
Kiwi: It's a fucking pirate!
[Passerbys look at her all funny-like.]
Steve: Avest ye!
Kiwi: WIN!
[Kiwi talks.]
[Sarah listens.]
Sarah: This is the most bizarre conversation I have ever had.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
A Juliette
Juliette: Kiwi, I said something funny that I think you should know about.
[Starts explaining something else and gets lost.]
Juliette: Have you ever been standing with your aunt
OHNOES IT'S LIKE THE MATIX! THEY'RE ALL OVER MY SHOULDER! RUN AWAY! Oh, she's still talking....
Kate: Harry comes along and he's playing his guitar and we're like, "Yay Harry!" and then Ben came around the corner and Juliette was like, "Every silver lining has its cloud..." And it was just perfect.
Moments before (what I was trying to type up before, which I thought was Juliette being funny, and it WAS, but it wasn't her intentionally funny story, she was just being funny again!):
Juliette: [Looking over at Kate and the group who dragged her over to share her funny story.] So you know when you're with your aunt and uncle and your parents like nudge you to say something you're enjoying about school? That's sort of what this feels like.
((I understand. I really do. But yay for being funny!))
((Please pardon my momentary lapse in concentration. Sarah was over my shoulder laughing like a loon.))
[Starts explaining something else and gets lost.]
Juliette: Have you ever been standing with your aunt
OHNOES IT'S LIKE THE MATIX! THEY'RE ALL OVER MY SHOULDER! RUN AWAY! Oh, she's still talking....
Kate: Harry comes along and he's playing his guitar and we're like, "Yay Harry!" and then Ben came around the corner and Juliette was like, "Every silver lining has its cloud..." And it was just perfect.
Moments before (what I was trying to type up before, which I thought was Juliette being funny, and it WAS, but it wasn't her intentionally funny story, she was just being funny again!):
Juliette: [Looking over at Kate and the group who dragged her over to share her funny story.] So you know when you're with your aunt and uncle and your parents like nudge you to say something you're enjoying about school? That's sort of what this feels like.
((I understand. I really do. But yay for being funny!))
((Please pardon my momentary lapse in concentration. Sarah was over my shoulder laughing like a loon.))
An Inning
[Kiwi is too lazy to get up and open the door, so crawls to let Matt in to their side of the corridor. Instead of letting him help her up, she scoots on her butt back to the group.]
Matt: You look like a dog with worms.
[Lora corrects them as a proper zoology major and informs us that dogs do that because their anal glands are blocked, not because they have worms.]
[Conversation progresses to having worms.]
Kiwi: I had them on Halloween once and had to take a pill and wasn't allowed to eat chocolate. So I said to my Mum, "It isn't fair! I have worms in my bum AND I can't eat chocolate ON HALLOWEEN!"
[Matt eventually mentions it's most commonly spread by eating ill-prepared meat.]
Kiwi: AND I was a vegetarian!
Juliette: Kiwi, have you heard my ladybird story?
Kiwi: Noooo!
Juliette: Well once, in primary school, all these kids were standing around in a circle and I didn't know why. So I marched over into the center of the circle and demanded they tell me what was going on. And they told me that I was standing on a ladybird...giving birth. So I was standing on about 50,000 ladybirds or something. And you know kids then, they think ladybirds are sooo cute, like, "Oh, let's keep it for a pet!"
Lora: And you stood on 50,000 of them.
Matt: That's when the bullying started.
[Kiwi reclines on her stomach in the corridor.]
[Matt pokes in her sides.]
[Kiwi flails about shrieking and making strange noises.]
Later:
Juliette: You know what you remind me of? [Insert small tangent about the fact that it's from C.S. Lewis here.] You remind me of the little people who had one foot and bounced everywhere. [Demonstrates.]
[Sarah begins bouncing in the background.]
Kiwi: But I haz two legs! [Spreads them in the air.]
Juliette: But they were short! And had one leg! And bounced! And were invisible!
Kiwi: Ooooer, invisible! [Cackles madly.]
A long while ago at tea:
Sarah: What, Harry hasn't been read to? Nothing?
Kiwi: Travesty! We must remedy this!
[They discuss Kiwi's being read Harry Potter in childhood, and other things.]
Sarah: But we couldn't read him Harry Potter because that has witchcraft.
Kiwi: [Thinks Jesus Camp.] Yes, that's blasphemous.
[Moments later they both break out into the Harry Potter theme song together, bobbing all around.]
Juliette: You two remind me of wood pigeons!
Living Cell:
Sarah: I'm bored. [Starts knots and crosses on Kiwi's paper.]
Kiwi: [Plays.] [Thinks, 'Oh no, and it starts...]
[More than an hour later, Kiwi's notes are filled with doodles of sandwiches, dead sheep, cockroaches in yogurt, and many other unexplainable things. Like cancer.]
Matt: You look like a dog with worms.
[Lora corrects them as a proper zoology major and informs us that dogs do that because their anal glands are blocked, not because they have worms.]
[Conversation progresses to having worms.]
Kiwi: I had them on Halloween once and had to take a pill and wasn't allowed to eat chocolate. So I said to my Mum, "It isn't fair! I have worms in my bum AND I can't eat chocolate ON HALLOWEEN!"
[Matt eventually mentions it's most commonly spread by eating ill-prepared meat.]
Kiwi: AND I was a vegetarian!
Juliette: Kiwi, have you heard my ladybird story?
Kiwi: Noooo!
Juliette: Well once, in primary school, all these kids were standing around in a circle and I didn't know why. So I marched over into the center of the circle and demanded they tell me what was going on. And they told me that I was standing on a ladybird...giving birth. So I was standing on about 50,000 ladybirds or something. And you know kids then, they think ladybirds are sooo cute, like, "Oh, let's keep it for a pet!"
Lora: And you stood on 50,000 of them.
Matt: That's when the bullying started.
[Kiwi reclines on her stomach in the corridor.]
[Matt pokes in her sides.]
[Kiwi flails about shrieking and making strange noises.]
Later:
Juliette: You know what you remind me of? [Insert small tangent about the fact that it's from C.S. Lewis here.] You remind me of the little people who had one foot and bounced everywhere. [Demonstrates.]
[Sarah begins bouncing in the background.]
Kiwi: But I haz two legs! [Spreads them in the air.]
Juliette: But they were short! And had one leg! And bounced! And were invisible!
Kiwi: Ooooer, invisible! [Cackles madly.]
A long while ago at tea:
Sarah: What, Harry hasn't been read to? Nothing?
Kiwi: Travesty! We must remedy this!
[They discuss Kiwi's being read Harry Potter in childhood, and other things.]
Sarah: But we couldn't read him Harry Potter because that has witchcraft.
Kiwi: [Thinks Jesus Camp.] Yes, that's blasphemous.
[Moments later they both break out into the Harry Potter theme song together, bobbing all around.]
Juliette: You two remind me of wood pigeons!
Living Cell:
Sarah: I'm bored. [Starts knots and crosses on Kiwi's paper.]
Kiwi: [Plays.] [Thinks, 'Oh no, and it starts...]
[More than an hour later, Kiwi's notes are filled with doodles of sandwiches, dead sheep, cockroaches in yogurt, and many other unexplainable things. Like cancer.]
An Outing
A Moment of Ben:
[Kiwi is on laptop, Ben is trying to take it away and take control. Kiwi is not interested in this.]
Ben: Women!
Kiwi: [Angry.] MEN! TESTOSTERONE!! IDIOCY!!! YOU!!!!! [Steadily louder each time.]
[Moments later.]
Ben: Can I log you off Facebook? [Logs off.]
Kiwi: ... [Looks affronted.]
Ben: [Looks over.] What, I asked?
Kiwi: [Explodes.] Yes, but you DIDN'T wait for an ANSWER! That's the point of a QUESTION! That's why it has a QUESTION MARK!
In another time and place:
Ben: [Is Ben.]
Sarah: [Slaps.]
(More detailed later.)
Current:
[Kiwi and Sarah are together, being...Karah, the whacky random insane pair they become when together.]
Kiwi and Sarah: [Note that Charlie the Unicorn is playing on Kiwi's iPod.] Charlieeee! [Continue saying it. Walk down the road. Hit the song portion and both start dancing and then pretending they're riding unicorns down the street. End laughing.]
Kiwi: I laugh so hard with you!
[Moments later.]
Kiwi: [Puts on Mysterious Ticking Noise.]
Kiwi and Sarah: [Do it in harmony.] [Finish.] At Hoooooogwaaaaaaaaarts!
[Both acknowledge everyone else thinks they're insane.]
At Subway:
Matt: We do not speak that name here.
Kiwi: Oh, I get it. Sacred ground.
Matt: [Nods head solemnly and peacefully.]
Lora, later: He is in a very happy place right now. [Kiwi in background worshiping her subway sandwich.]
Corridor:
[Alisha walks by Kiwi's room.]
Alisha: Hey Kiwi.
Kiwi: [Looks up.] Hey Alisha. What's up?
Alisha: Not much, it hasn't changed much since we last saw each other. ((Moments before.))
Kiwi: Ah. Everything in my life has changed. [Pauses.] I'm getting married, and I'm pregnant.
Alisha: [Walks over and hugs.] Congrats, congrats.
[Moments later.]
Alisha: You two are insane when you're together.
Sarah: [Starts rolling along the corridor wall back to her room.]
Alisha: By rolling Sarah, by pregnant Kiwi!
Previous corridor:
[Mary, Andrea, and Hayley are hugging.]
[Lora joins.]
Everyone: Aaaawr!
[Kiwi joins.]
Everyone: Aaaawr!
[Alisha and Juliette hug down the corridor.]
[Everyone breaks apart.]
Kiwi: Every single person out in the corridor was just hugging. Sixth floor is full of love!
[Kiwi is on laptop, Ben is trying to take it away and take control. Kiwi is not interested in this.]
Ben: Women!
Kiwi: [Angry.] MEN! TESTOSTERONE!! IDIOCY!!! YOU!!!!! [Steadily louder each time.]
[Moments later.]
Ben: Can I log you off Facebook? [Logs off.]
Kiwi: ... [Looks affronted.]
Ben: [Looks over.] What, I asked?
Kiwi: [Explodes.] Yes, but you DIDN'T wait for an ANSWER! That's the point of a QUESTION! That's why it has a QUESTION MARK!
In another time and place:
Ben: [Is Ben.]
Sarah: [Slaps.]
(More detailed later.)
Current:
[Kiwi and Sarah are together, being...Karah, the whacky random insane pair they become when together.]
Kiwi and Sarah: [Note that Charlie the Unicorn is playing on Kiwi's iPod.] Charlieeee! [Continue saying it. Walk down the road. Hit the song portion and both start dancing and then pretending they're riding unicorns down the street. End laughing.]
Kiwi: I laugh so hard with you!
[Moments later.]
Kiwi: [Puts on Mysterious Ticking Noise.]
Kiwi and Sarah: [Do it in harmony.] [Finish.] At Hoooooogwaaaaaaaaarts!
[Both acknowledge everyone else thinks they're insane.]
At Subway:
Matt: We do not speak that name here.
Kiwi: Oh, I get it. Sacred ground.
Matt: [Nods head solemnly and peacefully.]
Lora, later: He is in a very happy place right now. [Kiwi in background worshiping her subway sandwich.]
Corridor:
[Alisha walks by Kiwi's room.]
Alisha: Hey Kiwi.
Kiwi: [Looks up.] Hey Alisha. What's up?
Alisha: Not much, it hasn't changed much since we last saw each other. ((Moments before.))
Kiwi: Ah. Everything in my life has changed. [Pauses.] I'm getting married, and I'm pregnant.
Alisha: [Walks over and hugs.] Congrats, congrats.
[Moments later.]
Alisha: You two are insane when you're together.
Sarah: [Starts rolling along the corridor wall back to her room.]
Alisha: By rolling Sarah, by pregnant Kiwi!
Previous corridor:
[Mary, Andrea, and Hayley are hugging.]
[Lora joins.]
Everyone: Aaaawr!
[Kiwi joins.]
Everyone: Aaaawr!
[Alisha and Juliette hug down the corridor.]
[Everyone breaks apart.]
Kiwi: Every single person out in the corridor was just hugging. Sixth floor is full of love!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Kiwi: "It would be great if knowledge spread like STI's, then I'd be really smart."
[Pauses. Realizes what she's just said about herself.]
"Ohdamn!"
Kiwi: [Talking about her father buying some strange sea-food thing from Ebay from the other side of the world and getting it delivered to her house. A giant clam foot or something.]
Sarah: [Walks in.]
Kiwi: "And it looked like a giant albino penis."
Sarah: [...wtf?]
[Everyone cracks up.]
Mary: "Have you been overworking, Kiwi?"
Kiwi: "What? No, I was writing a novel."
Mary: [Gives a, 'you're crazy, that's work' look.]
Kiwi: "Nono. I could write 3 novels and have it not be work, but writing a paper...PFFT!"
Mary: "Kiwi, have I ever told you I think you're a bit strange sometimes?"
Kiwi: "About six."
[Pauses. Realizes what she's just said about herself.]
"Ohdamn!"
Kiwi: [Talking about her father buying some strange sea-food thing from Ebay from the other side of the world and getting it delivered to her house. A giant clam foot or something.]
Sarah: [Walks in.]
Kiwi: "And it looked like a giant albino penis."
Sarah: [...wtf?]
[Everyone cracks up.]
Mary: "Have you been overworking, Kiwi?"
Kiwi: "What? No, I was writing a novel."
Mary: [Gives a, 'you're crazy, that's work' look.]
Kiwi: "Nono. I could write 3 novels and have it not be work, but writing a paper...PFFT!"
Mary: "Kiwi, have I ever told you I think you're a bit strange sometimes?"
Kiwi: "About six."
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