Juliette: "How did your penis bring a dino crisis?"
Matt: "Well, my sperm."
Juliette: "Shut up! You horrible, pubescent... ... ...boy!"

That's right, Jujubean, you went there.

[Talking about greatest fears.]
Alex: "My fears are a bit deeper than that. I would be afraid of heart attacks and strokes."
Kiwi: "I think my greatest fear as a man would be erectile dysfunction. Yes, my greatest fear would be not getting it up."
Morten: "I have a new greatest fear."

Kiwi: "Loser, loser, double loser, as if, whatever, get the picture, Duh."
Sara: "Loser, loser, double loser, as if, wanker..."
Kiwi: "As if, whatever, get the picture, duh? Yeah, that's so American."

[Watching "Pretty Woman," the first Girl's Night in the house.]
Juliette: "I want to be *IN* this film! I want to be that pillar!"

Sarah: "Clingongs say, 'give now, bitch!'"

Juliette: "You can't walk by because I could take you over the table."
Sarah: "Sexually."

[Kiwi tries to get up from next to Juliette.]
Juliette: "You can't get up because I buggered your hip."
Sarah: "Sexually."
Kiwi: "When you took me over the table."

Alisha:[Screeches from upstairs.]
John: [Yells from the living room.] "Put her down!"
Alisha: [From upstairs.] "Thanks!"

Alisha: [Screeches again.]
John: "And don't pick her back up again!"

[Worthy of note, directions were to Matt, of course of course!]

John: "A POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOuNd!"
Harry: "It's mine!"
[Lots of shuffling, reveals a pound.]
Matt: "Actually it's mine. Really."
[Lora, Kiwi and Sarah cracking up.]
Lora: "I thought you said something else. I heard and wondered why one would be on the ground and then heard Harry say 'it's mine!' and got well confused!"

Sarah: [At Birdo in Mario Kart.] "You dirty transsexual!"

Relapse

Lora: "I slept with Steve again."
Kiwi: "You idiot! You fucking idiot!" [Throws nearest object.]
Juliette: [Picks up.] "That's mine! You can't throw my sweatshirt at someone who's covered in spe--Steve's Sperm!"

Plant Diversity

Facebook:

Juliette V[finish surname here]'s favourite quote of the day - Kiwi : How would I get pregnant... go shag a tree and give birth to a shrub?!

(Obviously, Kiwi has not done a good job of revising her plant diversity. Although, that would be one HELL of a diverse plant.)

Exams

Alishia: "But Kiwi, you do well on tests!"
Kiwi: "Tests...but I've never had an exam."
A: "Just think of them as big tests."
K: [Giggles.] "I just thought you said 'big breasts.'"
A: "Then think of them as that, yes! A good C-D..."
K: [Crosses arms.] "That doesn't even cover my size!"
A: "Don't be mean, that's more than what I've got!"
K: "Yeah, but you didn't even get up to mine! What does that make me? A 6-hour exam?!"
Sarah: "I'm a pop quiz!"
[All crack up.]

Sick Lima Bean Liger Crazy Psycho Bitch

Juliette: "If I were to nickname you all...[Sarah] would be Crazy Psycho Bitch. And [Lora] would be Gothic Retard Kid..."
Kiwi: "What would I be?"
J: "Retarded."
K: [Rolls eyes and chuckles.] "Well THAT'S original."

[Lora is sick.]
L: "Am I on fire?"
Pirate: "No."
L: "Are you sure?"
P: "Yes."
[Later.]
L: "I'm covered in lima beans. Did you know you can drown in lima beans?"
P: "..."

[Kiwi, Matt, Alishia talking about back garden plans.]
K: "We'll get a tiger, like in Aladdin."
M: "No, a lion!" ((Alluding to our religion, Mufasianism, the religion that honours the Lion King and Mufasa as our God.))
K: "We'll get a liger to combine them. And then we won't have to worry about it breeding with all the other ligers in the area. And we can feed it the meat Batgirl (Lora) won't eat."
M: "But...me!"
K: "I would hope you will be kind with your carnivory. But fine. We'll catch school children and feed them to the liger."

In an evening...

In an evening we discussed:

- Being camp. [ "You're a bit camp!" --ohnoes yes she did say that! ]
- Losing manpoints. [ "You lose manpoints for being camp!" ]
- Bumming. [ "You'll have to stop bumming him." ]
- Bumming someone dead / gay necrophilia. [ "I wouldn't do it if he weren't dead!" ]
- Anal rape in sleep. [ "I did it last night. It's not as airtight as you think it is." "...oh, that's the blood seeping from my anus." ]
- Anal rape in death. [ A whole conversation on the subject. ]
- A sword coming through the floor, through one's rear, and killing through the head. [ "My last thought would be... 'oh, this does feel good, I should tell Lora--' *death sounds*" ]
- A number of things going up the rear. [ Fist, fire extinguisher, fire truck, dead hooker, etc. ]
- The use of someone who has been anally abused by a fire extinguisher as a fire fighter.
- Involvement of dead hookers and their variety, especially the high-class "gang-banged by pigeons" top class variety. Or the "gang-banged by zombie pigeons" type which is slightly less tasteful.
- Attaching someone by the rear to a fire hydrant and observing the effects.
- Bottle cap popping.
- Getting high off Kiwi's saliva.
- Reaching the "Kiwi" level through drunkenness.
- Juliette's drunkenness.

Aaaand a number of other things that, given it's 1.40 a.m. and I'm knackered, I can't recall.

Chalk

Once upon a time...

Kiwi: [Puts pool chalk on her nose.] "I brown-nosed a smurf."
[Juliette and Sarah end up with chalk on their faces, and Kiwi has more added to her own look.]

Eventually...

[Matt and John refuse the blue treatment.]
[There is a battle of epic proportions.]
Kiwi: [Stands on coffee table.] "Hey. I'm about as tall as a regular person."
John: [Stands up to compare.] "Let's see..."
Kiwi: [Shakes head and smirks.] "No, closer." [Grabs his face, brings it in like she'd kiss him, and rubs her nose on his cheek.] "Win!" [Pounces off table and prances about.]

Slightly later...

Matt: "You were supposed to be on our side! Our ally!"
Kiwi: [Watches Lora approach.] [Distracts.]
Lora: [Goes through the hole in the wall and rubs chalk on Matt's face.]
Matt: [Distress, disappointment and laughter.]

Kiwi: "I'm chaotic good! No one can tell what I'm going to do!"
John: [Laughs.] "I actually get that!"


Days later...

[All the bar-sixthers return to the corridor.]
Kiwi: [Peeks out and greets them. They are strange.] "What's wrong with all of you?"
Matt: "We just want Kiwi hugs!"
Kiwi [Squeaks.] "Egads!" [Runs into her room and hides in the closet.]
[Everyone comes in.]
"Where is she?"
"Where'd she go?"
"Huh?"
"...blubberblubberdrunkenblabble."
Matt: [Opens the closet door.]
[There is much laughter.]

Which leads back from the tangent to...

[Everyone has blue all over his/her face, including Matt.]

Kiwi: "I can't believe I started the trend."

Pedophiles

Juliette: "I may be drunk--" [long pause to correct herself] "--but I'm not a pedophile!"

Incidentally:

Juliette: [Hiccups.] "How do you cure the hiccups?"
Kiwi: "Hold your breath and say the alphabet three times."
Juliette: [Clamps mouth shut.] [Attempts to say the alphabet but it comes out "mm" "mm" "mm."]
Kiwi: [Snickers.] She actually tried it!